darla87

I lied yesterday. I don't have any romantic feelings for Vijay. I think I was on some sex high yesterday. Not sure where it came from exactly.
He drove me to work last night, and he went to give me a kiss bye, and I felt like cringing away. I don't know. Maybe I have to be high to sleep with him.
Mum and dad get back today from their holiday. At least Alicia, and her friends will have to keep the noise down from now on. It's been too noisy around here.
I was getting sick of looking after her anyway. She's such a brat sometimes. I know she doesn't need to be looked after, but ... she's my kid sister and I feel it as a duty, especially when mum and dad are away on holiday. Dad got a promotion at work, so they went away for the weekend to celebrate. I don't even want to think about what they got up to. lol.

I'm getting a second job. Going to save up to get my own place. I'm going to ask Bridge if she wants to get a place with me, so we can be roomies, and share the rent, and bills. Dad said I could live in our second home, for free, since the lease the people have is just about to run out, but I don't want to keep living off my parents. I want to get independent, and pay bills, and rent, and all those things. It wouldn't feel like MY home if I'm not paying anything.
I'm 21, I should be doing things to for myself. I should have my own place, and stop trying to stop growing up.

I need to go. I'm still in my PJ's, and it's nearing 1 30pm.

xdarla

I've got to update about what happened last night.
The guys didn't get here until about midnight. Not long after I updated last night. My sister had some homework (math) that she wanted help with, so I helped her with it, then went for a shower. While in there, they turned up: Bridge (bff), Susie (Bridge's sister), Jackson (ick), Matt (old friend I grew up with), and Vijay (guy I've known for a while). Well, Alicia didn't tell me before I got out of the shower, and I walked down the hall and into my bedroom with only a towel on. Oh! My Lord! They were sitting there in my room, just staring. Of course, Jackson had the most stupidest grin on his face, and Vijay didn't look too displeased. I was so embarrassed.
It all worked out though, Bridge and Matt made a big joke of it, and it all was forgotten by the time we went to the caravan.
We watched Iron Man that Matt brought over. It was a pretty good night. I squashed myself between the wall, and Vijay so I wouldn't have to sit near Jackson. I know it seems like I'm hard on him, but the guy really creeps me out, and Bridge just laughs it off like I'm overreacting. I'M NOT! I swear! He just stares, and it's not like a 'Oh, you're pretty' stare, it's like 'I can see right THROUGH you'. Not to sound too cheesy, but it really looks like he wants to EAT me. I've told Bridge before I don't want him but she still insists that it's harmless. Maybe harmless to her, but I can't sleep at night with him on this planet!
Anyway, so we watched Iron Man and got really whacked out. I especially. I don't normally smoke so much, but when they come over they bring it, so I do. It's not healthy. After the movie, Matt pulled out some porn, which I'm not really into. I watch it sometimes, but it's not a favourite past time for me. Vijay ended up staying the night. It's so shameful. I'm not even into him that much, but when he gives me those eyes it sucks me right in. I'm easy but only when it comes to him. There's nothing about him that I like, besides his company, and he makes me laugh a lot, and he has such a wonderful personality ... and I do like him. sigh. I never wanted this with anyone else. With Rob it was different. He was the love of my life. The one guy I knew I could turn to. The one guy who I knew loved me back. Still do. I still love Rob, but things happen, and we've changed. Our feelings have changed, they've just gone in different directions; I love him even more, and he only loves me as a friend. We don't even talk about the time we spent together, all the good times we had, and here I am reminiscing. Darla, get your head out of the past. The past is the past, and you need to think about Vijay now. He's the one who I wake up beside sometimes. A small part of me still wishes it was Rob though. He can still make my heart skip a beat.
We met in High School, and dated from then on until he left to go overseas for work - he's trying to get into acting. Has been trying for a couple of years. Still hasn't got much work, as he says everyone is trying for everything. I don't know. I haven't seen him in so long. He comes only on special occasions, mostly just Christmas, because he knows his mum would rip him to shreds if he didn't. I was so angry, and hurt when he left. It felt like a part of me went with him. I'm over it now. We talk often, but not enough. I'd love to snuggle up to him, and feel him with me. That's not going to happen anytime soon though. I don't know if I should tell him about Vijay or just keep it to myself. I don't even know my true feelings towards him. It can't be love. I'm wondering if it's only a crush, like you have when a teenager. Hmm. I'll ask Bridge's advice on that. Hope she can help!
Got to go for shower, and go to work -- Vijay is driving me. :D

xdarla

Hmm. haven't been on for so long, but in this time, my sister has shown me how to use this thing. I should have it by now. lol.
Work's been going great, but thinking about moving up the "ladder". Mum says I should go back to school, and get a "proper" job. My job is just fine. I earn more than anyone else in my family! Why would I want to get a normal, 9 to 5 job?
Tom, my boss, says he has another club he wants me to go to, but that's too far to travel, and I don't trust driving too far, especially when there's alcohol around, and I get tempted. I mean, I don't drink while working, but after work ... Ha! I told Tom as such, and he says he'll pick me up from home, and drop me off, every night I work. He can't be serious!
Watching Walk The Line right now. I love this movie. Reese's and Joaquin's (had to look at the cover for the spelling) voices are amazing. Who would've thought they could sing like that! Old songs I grew up on, so I love them so much.
I got told I looked Goth today. What the hell! Alicia's "friend" came over today -- well, she says it's just friends, but who really knows! -- I was dressed in a black skirt, and WHITE top, sitting on the couch, painting my nails black. He told me I wear too much black, and that I look Goth. I just poked my tongue at him, as he laughed. He's a cute kid, but just a kid. I don't know why Alicia has to keep telling lies about them. I know they sneak up stairs when mum and dad aren't here. I've came home once, with them both walking down the stairs, fixing their clothes. I just wish she could've held out a bit longer. sigh. I can't talk about that.
Walk the Line just finished. It's such a lovely movie.
I need to rush off, and change. Have some friends coming over tonight. Not sure what we're going to do. I think Bridge is going to bring some smoke, and we'll sit back and relax in the caravan. I hope she doesn't bring Jackson. He's so nasty, and creepy. He's always wanting me to sit next to him, and then he never stops staring at me. Bridge says he just loves to look at me, but it really creeps me out.

xdarla

My first entry. yay!
I've pretty much just got up. Had work last night, and I have such a sore head. I shouldn't drink after work! I should've learnt by now!
Why would I even make a dreamwidth on a day like today? I must enjoy the punishment! I don't even know how to work this thing. Someone help me? lol
I should've stayed on myspace. i was SAFE there.
I better go have a shower. i feel all smelly. hehe

xdarla

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